If you followed this blog for an amount of time, or know me somewhere else, you probably know I’m an earner. If you’ve tried to give me gifts, you may have seen me object and try to make you not give it. Or I may not have told you and just feel incredibly guilty to this day. I don’t believe I deserve gifts. I’m not good enough, kind enough, smart enough, hard-working-enough… just not worth enough for you to waste time and money on me.
So gifts have always made me feel really bad. Because I haven’t earned them.
But it came to me like a thunderclap the other day:
Gifts are free.
I can’t earn a gift. It’s contrary to the word.
If I earn it, it’s not a gift. It’s a reward.
“Reward: a thing given in recognition of one’s service, effort, or achievement.”
I can’t earn gifts, or they wouldn’t be gifts.
I also realized something else.
Love is a gift.
I can’t earn love.
Love is a choice.
People choose to love me, or choose not to love me. Can I influence that decision? Yes. But ultimately, the choice is theirs. I’ve tried to earn some people’s love and was denied it. I received other people’s love that I never tried to get. They chose to give it, or not give it.
Love is a free gift.
I can’t earn gifts. People choose to give them.
And how fun is it to give a reward? Gifts are so much more fun to give.
How can I be selfish enough to keep people from giving gifts if they want to, simply because I feel I’m not worth it? That is pure selfishness–consulting my feelings and not theirs.
Gifts are free.
I don’t have to earn them.
I don’t know who needed to hear this. Please don’t judge. I’m not putting this up for hugs, comforting messages, gifts, or anything else. I’m putting it up because I think there must be other people out there who feel they must earn.
That’s the beauty of the Gospel, by the way. We can’t earn it. It is a free gift. Because although we are not worthy, God thought us worth dying for.