Because God

  1. It’s raining and the wifi is bad but
  2. I’m super behind on school because
  3. I’m not feeling well and haven’t all week plus
  4. I’m dealing with a lot of emotions from a big thing that recently upset my life plus
  5. My friends are struggling plus
  6. I hate my current college course plus
  7. I’m having a hard time handling all my commitments/need-to-dos plus
  8. I miss writing and reading and can’t do much of that and that raises my stress plus
  9. I’m having some spiritual issues plus
  10. I’m exhausted plus
  11. Things are unsettled in my life right now plus
  12. The world is wearing me out.
  1. I have wifi and can have internet friends (I have no in real life friends so that’s amazing) plus
  2. I can do online school instead of in person plus
  3. I am alive and moderately healthy plus
  4. I have the ability to have emotions (aka I am not a robot) plus
  5. I have friends who trust me and confide in me plus
  6. In the middle of that nightmare some people have supported me beyond belief plus
  7. I can take a college course and be prepared to have my dream job plus
  8. I am not invalid or headachy or anything so I can still function and get some stuff done, and I just got some big stuff off my to-do list and my shoulders plus
  9. I have been able to read and write a little, at least, on top of having lots of ideas plus
  10. I can sleep tonight plus
  11. God is in control plus
  12. Jesus is coming back.

In spite of all that’s going on, I’m grateful to be alive.

For playing a silly game with two friends.

For having a history lesson in KDWC and confusing all non-Canadians and arguing about how important New France is.

For friends who have no clue what I’m going through but send the bible verses I need.

For friends who let me cry and scream and love me and never, ever let me go. Seriously, they put up with so much.

For family that’s still alive.

But in spite of all that, though, I’m feeling very lonely and outcast. And I’m thinking maybe its a good thing. Maybe God let this happen so I’d wean myself from people and focus on Him. Maybe He let me be hurt so I’d cling to the One who will never ever hurt me, even accidentally. Maybe I’m trying to fill a void only He can fill and that’s why I’m never, ever satisfied.

The songs say it all.

Published by Katja L.

Hello! :) I'm Katja. I'm a Canadian bibliophile, book reviewer, writer, and child of God. I love too many things to name, but among them are chocolate, heirlooms, history, fancy handwriting, grammar & punctuation, laughter, tearjerking books, lists, organized bookshelves, pink roses, flowing skirts, hymns, and pretty much anything old-fashioned, beautiful, & classy.

24 thoughts on “Because God

  1. Hey, praying for you, love!
    And no real friends (except for online ones)? You’re not alone on that. I seriously thought I was the only one! I have cried sometimes at night wondering why I don’t fit in. Why I have no actual friends, why no one texts me or calls me. I totally understand that. And stress? Oh, yeah. I understand that too! We can be broken together (as the Casting Crowns song says). Love you, Katja! 🌸💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And… I know I am commenting way too much. Please forgive me. But here’s a thought. I know this can all be hard. But maybe you don’t have any real friends (and for me) at the moment because God is setting you a part for a reason. I am sure it’s because He has something HUGE planned for you! Look ahead to where God may be taking you. How wonderful the things are He has in store! It’ll change one day. Take this time to get closer to your Father. I’m doing the same thing. If you ever need advice or just someone to be there, I am always here, just a click away. You are worth so much. You are strong. And are so loved. And remember one thing, you can have friends that are older than you too (my friends are in their 60s and 70s and they’re from my church. I used to say I have none, but I do. I have them! I’m sure you have some too.). ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You never comment too much *hugs* You’re an absolute sweetheart and a gem! Thank you for that reminder <33 I’m trying hard.
        Ahh, same to you, dear girl!! Most of my friend are older than I as well, and you’re right; I do share a friend with my sister at once of our churches (we pastor two atm).

        Like

    2. Aw, thanks so much, dear!!! Ugh, yeah… been there. Hey… if you have a number or an email I can text, I’ll spam you away 😉 and if you can’t text I’ll spam via email! <33 thanks, girl, thanks so much <33

      Like

      1. Yeah, of course! You know my regular email, that psalm one. It’s a day by day thing. But you’ll get through it. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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