Because God

1. It’s raining and the wifi is bad but
2. I’m super behind on school because
3. I’m not feeling well and haven’t all week plus
4. I’m dealing with a lot of emotions from a big thing that recently upset my life plus
5. My friends are struggling plus
6. I hate my current college course plus
7. I’m having a hard time handling all my commitments/need-to-dos plus
8. I miss writing and reading and can’t do much of that and that raises my stress plus
9. I’m having some spiritual issues plus
10. I’m exhausted plus
11. Things are unsettled in my life right now plus
12. The world is wearing me out.

1. I have wifi and can have internet friends (I have no in real life friends so that’s amazing) plus
2. I can do online school instead of in person plus
3. I am alive and moderately healthy plus
4. I have the ability to have emotions (aka I am not a robot) plus
5. I have friends who trust me and confide in me plus
6. In the middle of that nightmare some people have supported me beyond belief plus
7. I can take a college course and be prepared to have my dream job plus
8. I am not invalid or headachy or anything so I can still function and get some stuff done, and I just got some big stuff off my to-do list and my shoulders plus
9. I have been able to read and write a little, at least, on top of having lots of ideas plus
10. I can sleep tonight plus
11. God is in control plus
12. Jesus is coming back.

In spite of all that’s going on, I’m grateful to be alive.

For playing a silly game with two friends.

For having a history lesson in KDWC and confusing all non-Canadians and arguing about how important New France is.

For friends who have no clue what I’m going through but send the bible verses I need.

For friends who let me cry and scream and love me and never, ever let me go. Seriously, they put up with so much.

For family that’s still alive.

But in spite of all that, though, I’m feeling very lonely and outcast. And I’m thinking maybe its a good thing. Maybe God let this happen so I’d wean myself from people and focus on Him. Maybe He let me be hurt so I’d cling to the One who will never ever hurt me, even accidentally. Maybe I’m trying to fill a void only He can fill and that’s why I’m never, ever satisfied.

The songs say it all.